Little retreats

Greetings on this lovely Monday morning! After a stormy weekend, I am actually feeling quite rejuvenated, a welcome change from how I usually feel on Mondays. The topic of my women's circle this month is RETREAT, and it has been wonderful to create space in my life and truly give myself room to just be. I feel much more centered and it has stimulated a lot of creativity. I ended up redoing our front flower bed, building a curtain rod from copper pipe, and finishing our master bedroom. It feels so amazing to create a lovely, welcoming space to come home to. Additionally, I've made a lot of progress professionally. Over the last two weeks I've had two difficult conversations with colleagues, and ya know what? They actually turned out incredibly well! I am feeling so grateful to have this weight lifted off my shoulders!This weekend, though I had a whole list of things I wanted to get done, Chad and I were sequestered in our house because of the crappy weather. It ended up being an incredibly restful weekend. We stayed in our PJs most of the day, and really got to relax. Even though we spent most of the weekend lounging, we still got a lot accomplished, and today I feel good instead of burnt out. Just a powerful reminder of how important it is to allow yourself to rest and recharge.

So last week I had a minor freak out about my weight. Once I came back down to earth, I took inventory of how I've been feeling and how my body actually looks, and I have to say, I'm totally happy with where I'm at.  Yes, I would still really love that six pack, but I have total confidence that I will get there. Nevertheless, last week I subbed protein shakes for my normal breakfast 5/7 days, and really felt great! I was much more aware of my body, and made an effort to listen to it. On the days when I was really hungry, I had a big breakfast, otherwise a shake was just perfect!

Saturday we had planned to have friends over to bar-b-q. They came in to town for the Country Music Marathon and had a really rough race with the storms. They were pretty exhausted so we ended up meeting them down town for dinner instead. We totally indulged on too much wine, and topped it off with chocolate cake from Wholefoods. Hey, gotta do it every once in a while right? Aside from that, my diet was really good all weekend and I didn't have any tummy issues, thank goodness!!!

I'm so excited to see what this week brings as I continue to make space.

Don't panic, its just a number

So earlier this week I had a bit of a melt down after a reunion with my bathroom scale. I know, I know, weight is not everything, but it really freaked me out to see a 6lb jump in just under 2 months.  I was really questioning my diet and doing A LOT of blaming and negative self talk. Ah how easily we revert to old habits... Anyway, determined to "fix the problem" I decided I needed some more information before making any changes. So yesterday I had my coach do my measurements and to my surprise, there really haven't been any significant changes. My right bicep, waist, and hips are all about 1/4in larger but other than that everything is the same. My previous trainer chimed in when he saw my coach taking my measurements and of course said "why are you worried about scale weight?!" I know he's right, and intellectually I know the scale doesn't matter, but when you've struggled with body image for so long, its hard not to be a little shaken. Nevertheless, taking my measurements was a positive affirmation that I'm on the right path.

I must say that I've really enjoyed having a protein shake in the mornings, but today I woke up starving, and knew a shake just wasn't gonna cut it. I decided I wanted a breakfast cake, but with some chocolatey goodness so I added cacao powder to the mix. I topped it with almond butter, cacoa nibs, shredded coconut, chia seeds, and blueberries. I told you, I was starving! This just hit the spot.. YUM!

For lunch I had chicken and cabbage that I made last night, and then I snacked on a scoop of almond butter mixed with protein powder. After CrossFit tonight I spent about an hour gardening, and by the time I thought about dinner, I was really hungry. Luckily, I had two grassfed beef burger patties waiting in my fridge. Honestly, burgers are a life saver in this household because they are quick and always hit the spot. Check this puppy out:

Beef patty, raw cheddar cheese, mixed greens, sweet potato fries, avocado, tomato, and homemade bar-b-q sauce. PERFECTION!

A blow to the ego

Bah! Things have been crazy over the last few days, and it kills me that I'm just now getting to post something! The weekend was such a whirlwind and I still feel like I'm recovering. I got a call at 4:45am Saturday morning from one of my sweet doula clients. She ended up being in active labor so I jumped out of bed, grabbed my doula bag (yes, there is a specific bag I use for doula-ing) and raced out the door. I met her and her husband at the hospital and supported her through a quick and absolutely awesome birth. The sweetest baby boy was born at 10:45am to incredible parents, and a room full of wonderful providers. Of course I balled my eyes out and was so thrilled to bear witness to the beautiful event. There is just nothing like the power of birth :) I spent the next couple hours helping mama breastfeed and answering questions, then I headed out to my doula group's monthly meeting. After a birth I am always starving, I have no idea why, I think it must be all the hormones. Anyway, I headed to Wholefoods on my way to the meeting and grabbed a huge sweet potato, balsamic brussel sprouts, chicken salad, and a kombucha. The meeting was lovely and I'm hoping we gained some new clients. So that was pretty much all of Saturday... after the meeting I came home and hopped into bed to recover from the long day. Chad brought me a GF cupcake, which ofcourse I couldn't pass up, and I lounged for the rest of the night. Sunday was busy with my women's circle followed by a trip to Home Depot where I ended up mesmerized by all things I "needed." I came home with a slew of random stuff and got to work on several projects, none of which are done yet.

That brings us to Monday. I decided to weigh myself, mostly for curiosity's sake, and partly because old habits die hard. Honestly, I've been feeling so good over the last couple months. My clothes are fitting well, I feel strong and fit. However, I just had a feeling I had gained a few lbs, and sure enough... DAMN! I looked down at the scale Monday morning and thought I was hallucinating. 151?!!!! The last time I'd weighed in I was at 145. My heart just sank and I felt like crawling into bed and never leaving. So I had my freak out moment, during which I began recounting all the mistakes I'd made that probably led to this extra weight, and then I took a deep breath and stopped the self torture. Ok, here's the deal, yes there is a chance that I've overindulged a bit in the diet department but honestly, the more likely scenario is that I've actually put on some muscle. I mean, in the last month I've nailed rope climbs and kipping pull-ups, and gotten a PR for back squats. I can tell I'm getting stronger, and I can see the definition of my muscles. Additionally, I've kicked my horrible sweet cravings. There have been so many little victories over the last couple months, why let a stupid number completely derail my confidence?! The truth is, when you've had an eating disorder, you always have an eating disorder. I'm not sure you can ever be "cured." Its kind of like you go into remission or "get on the wagon." Its a constant struggle to not revert back to old habits, to not let your mind "go there." So, when I see the number on the scale, its so incredible difficult not to go to that place of self judgment/self loathing. In some ways it was a wake-up call to be more mindful of my diet, but mostly the weigh-in was just a huge blow to my self confidence.

Here's how I've decided to move forward: I'm going to have my coach do my measurements this week, that will give me a better idea of my body composition and whether I actually need to adjust my diet. Thursday morning I'm going to do a fasting lipid panel (this has also been bugging me for the last week). I've dropped my usual breakfast and subbed protein shakes. I really want to see how this makes me feel over the next few days. Next week, I plan to go back to counting carbs and will be aiming for less than 100g/day, with one day a week where I'll double it to 200g. I also plan to drop ALL dairy, though my intake has been minimal, and up my protein intake.

I know its all going to be fine, just have to keep working hard and listening to my body.

Day ?

Alright, alright, I know I have been super LAME with this challenge so at this point I'm scrapping it and starting fresh. To be honest I'm pretty content with how things have been going over the last week or so. I'd say I've eaten about 80% Paleo but definitely partaken in a bit of dairy and alcohol. I will say that over the last couple days I've had more wine than I'd like to admit. A good friend of mine was in town, so I allowed myself to indulge. I also discovered the oh so dangerous Trader Joe's flour-less chocolate cake. Not something I'd indulge in on a regular basis, but a delightful once-in-a-while treat. Here's the thing, I'm not perfect, I live in the real world surrounded by all the challenges that come with living in our overfed, overweight, over-medicated society. I think being honest and writing about my struggles, along with my triumphs, is way more beneficial than trying to be perfect ALL the time. It's just not realistic. I will say that once you start down the path of clean eating, it really does suck you in, and your perception of food changes. I find myself preferring to stay clear of grains and really craving fresh ingredients.

I've decided I need to make one large goal and then a few small action steps to get me closer to that goal. I'm honestly thinking it would be awesome to sign up for some type of fitness competition. I like that idea because then the goal is not to "loose weight" its to "be able to compete in a fitness competition." I'm not set on this yet, but I think it would be an awesome thing to work towards. 

So after months of putting it off, I finally got my blood work done. I even watched the nurse do it! That was the first time in my life that I didn't have to close my eyes and focus on my breathing for fear of passing out. Woohoo! I was really curious about my cholesterol levels and my thyroid function, but I went ahead and did a fairly extensive panel since I was getting stuck anyway. I got the results this morning and pulled out the results from my previous 2 labs draws to compare. I was about 2 hours post breakfast when the blood was taken, so I hadn't fasted. Sorry, but waiting til 10am before eating just wasn't gonna happen. So here's how my number compare:

My last cholesterol panel was checked in 2010 and my total was 191mg/dl with and HDL (good) of 70mg/dl and an LDL of 107mg/dl. My total triglycerides were 69mg/dl. Yesterday's results were total: 207mg/dl, HDL: 75mg/dl, LDL:121mg/dl, and triglycerides: 56mg/dl.

My thyroid function looked pretty good last year, but my Np only checked my TSH and Free T4, which were both normal. Yesterday I looked at TSH, Free T4, and Free T3.

Vitamin D last year was 21ng/ml and is now up to 45ng/ml.

Based on my results, I have a better idea of what I'm needing to supplement, and how things are looking. While my total cholesterol is on "high" side, but HDL is the best predictor of cardiac risk, and mine is really high. Nevertheless, I need to start taking my fish oil more regularly. My TSH and Free T4 both look excellent but my Free T3, the active form of thyroid hormone, is on the low side. Therefore it wouldn't hurt to add some iodine to my routine. I'm debating whether or to not to also supplement with selenium, zinc, copper and tyrosine (there are many "thyroid support" products that contain all of these). Vitamin D has certainly improved, but is still a good 40 points away from where I'd like it, so I'm upping my dose from 10,000 IUs to 20,000IUs for the next month. Here's my list of daily supplements starting tomorrow:

Gaia Adrenal support- 2 tabs in the am
Vitamin D- 20,000 IUs daily
Iodine- 225mcg/day
DHA/EPA fish oil 1,000mg/day
Probiotic- 1/day
digestive enzymes- 1 tab with 2 meals/day

 Again, I'm debating about whether to start a thyroid support or just take a good multi-vitamin. I plan on consulting my another Np to see what she thinks. This may seem like a lot, but really once you get in the habit, you don't even think about taking these things.  I always think its funny when people scoff at my supplements, yet they themselves are taking 6 different medications!

I also wanted to share a handy little discovery I made at Whole Foods yesterday. I love getting their sushi bowls which have brown rice, ahi, salmon, shrimps, avocado, cucumber, and mixed green. I wanted one for lunch yesterday but wanted to stay Paleo, so special ordered one without the sauce and without rice. It ended up being less that $5 for lots of fresh fish, avocado, cucumber, green, and a bunch of ginger. Delicious!

Days 4-6

Ah yes, Monday... you've come again. Hey, at least it finally seems to be spring here in Nashville, and the weather has been gorgeous! I'm definitely not happy that I haven't been keeping up with my posts but I will say that I've been working on a pretty lengthy one about eliminating toxins from one's environment. I'll be sharing my recipes for homemade personal care and cleaning products so stay tuned. But anyway, I wanted to confess that the weekend didn't go as well as I would have liked, diet wise. I definitely imbibed on more wine than was necessary, and ended up eating some crackers that totally weren't worth it, but were necessary at the time. Nevertheless it wasn't all that bad. I've noticed a significant shift in my dietary preferences and I can honestly say, it is rare that I actually crave sweets. This is absolutely bizarre for me because I have ALWAYS had a crazy sweet tooth. It is so liberating to not have to reach for something sweet after every meal. I did discover the most delicious creation, for those times when you just need chocolate, which is Artisana brand Raw Cacao Bliss. It is a mixture of coconut butter and cacao sweetened with a little agave, and it it unreal!

I love when the weather gets warm for many reasons, but especially because I end up using the grill a ton. Throwing some meat and fresh veggies on the grill is quick, and makes a delicious meal, so thats pretty much what I did all weekend.  Last night I did a skirt steak tonight I did a rib eye.Tonight I also made my own bar-b-q sauce because I didn't feel like paying $7 for something that didn't contain a bunch of chemical crap. Here's the recipe:

Bar-b-q sauce:
2 cans organic tomato paste
2 tbsp apple cider vinegar
1/2 cup water
2 tbsp black strap molasses
1 tbsp raw honey
2 tsp liquid smoke
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp cloves
1 tsp garlic powder
liberal S&P

Combine all ingredients in a sauce pot and bring to a simmer. Enjoy!

Day 4

The effects of stress on one's body never cease to amaze me. I see these effects everyday with my patients, and even just walking down the street. We are all suffering, even if we don't realize it. Over the last 3 years, I've worked hard to bring mindfulness awareness into practice. I've learned to understand and listen to my body, and come up with strategies for dealing with stress. Up until last week, I'd thought I'd mastered the art of stress management. Turns outs, it can still get the best of me. Over the last two months there has been a lot of unrest in our household. Chad and I have a great marriage, a beautiful home, and lots to be thankful for, but we are both dealing with professional difficulties. There has been a lot of back and forth, countless tears, and many hours of lost sleep, but I think we have finally made some of the necessary decisions to put us where we want to be. Change is scary, and walking away from opportunities is even scarier, but ultimately you have to follow your heart.

Yesterday, after a night of little sleep, I was a zombie. When I don't sleep I get chilled and shakey, not fun when you're supposed to be seeing patients. Also, my stomach was churning all day because of nerves. I ate my normal breakfast and ended up meeting Chad at Chipotle for lunch. I had a chicken burrito bowl- chicken, grilled veggies, romaine, salsa, and guac. Around 3:30 I had a "breakfast cake" made with protein powder in place of coconut flour. Then I headed to CrossFit. Probably not the best idea, since I was exhausted, but I need some good endorphins. Here's yesterday's WOD:

STRENGTH -
PUSH PRESS WORK UP TO 1 REP MAX
5.5.3.3.2.1
WOD – AMRAP 20 MINUTES
3 FRONT SQUAT 115/75
5 WALL BALL “DOUBLE TIME”
KB ROW CIRCUIT (WILL EXPLAIN) GOOD TIMES!
10 RUSSIAN KB SWINGS
15 KNEE TUCK JUMPS

For dinner I made Chad some eggs and chicken/apple sausage. I ate leftover grilled veggies, sausage, and an egg. We ate and immediately got into bed to try to get some much needed rest.

Day 2/3

Well my appetite is still off but I'm rolling with it. Yesterday I had a small glass of wine to stimulate it and, in case you were wondering, it worked. Yes, I know wine is kind of a no no but I'm moderating my intake rather than cutting it out. After CrossFit last night I made bison meatloaf with sweet potato fries and a big salad. I also made a batch of ketchup to slather over everything. YUM! Here's the meatloaf recipe:

Ingredients-
1lb ground bison
1/2 cup onion
2 cups kale
3 garlic cloves
1 large egg
S&P
1tsp cumin
1tbsp Dijon mustard

I combined the onions, kale, garlic, and eggs in my blender and thoroughly chopped everything. Then I added the remaining ingredients and blended everything together. Once combined I molded the mixture into a "loaf" and put in the oven at 375 for 35 minutes.

Today, my appetite was a little better and I was craving some good fish. I figured I should listen to my bod in this case, so I had some yummy brown rice sushi from Wholefoods. I decided to skip CrossFit and clean up around the house, a tough decision,but much needed!

For dinner I just had to fire up the grill. This day has been insanely beautiful and it called from some outdoor cooking. I chopped up chicken, bell peppers, asparagus, zucchini, and onions, and coated everything in EVOO and S&P. Such a quick and delicious meal! I'm looking forward to many more grilled meals over the next few months :)

Btw I brewed a new batch of kombucha and I'm super excited about the flavor combo- ginger/carrot/orange. I'll post step by step instructions when I start my new batch tomorrow.

Day 1

Alright so I'm really starting to get annoyed with the state of my appetite. It has been so off over the last week, and I seem to have aversions to things I normally crave. I'm doing my best to listen to my body and figure out what it needs. On the upside, I've had no trouble sticking to my challenge today. Here are my goals for the next 21 days:

1. Stick to strict Paleo with the exception of vegan protein shakes
2. Go to CrossFit no less than 4 days/wk preferably 5
3. Sleep no at least 7 hours every night
4. Take supplements every day: Vit D, Adrenal support, Fish oil, and Probiotics

Yep, pretty familiar goals but all things I need to work on.

I started the day off with my breakfast cake, strawberries, almond butter, and chicken sausage. I honestly wasn't hungry all day, but forced myself to eat some almonds and drink a kombucha around 1. I got home around 3:30 and had some shredded chicken with avocado and salsa. MISTAKE! When I got to CrossFit and saw the WOD, I knew that meal would come back to haunt me, and oh did it ever! Here's today's brutal WOD:

WARM UP - 6 TO 8 MINUTES
STRENGTH - 3 X 4 SETS OF 90% 1RM BACK SQUAT
WOD - 
For time
Run 3 laps building
20x Pull-ups
30x Box jumps (24″)
20x Double unders
40x Ball slams (30#/20#)
50x Squats
Run 2 laps building
20x Knees to elbows
30x Walking lunge steps
Run 1 lap building
40x Russian BB twist (95#)
50x Push-ups
40x Double-unders

I did 155lbs for my squats and finished the WOD in 24:28. This was a tough one!

When I got home I threw together a protein shake with:
2 scoops protein powder
8 oz coconut milk
1tbsp almond butter
1/4 cup frozen bluberries
1/2 cup ice cubes

I have no idea why my appetite is so funky, but hopefully it'll be back normal soon!

First CrossFit Open, complete!

Wow! I cannot believe that 5 weeks of the open have already come and gone. It was such a great experience! Granted, it didn't end the way I would have liked it to, but I'm extremely pleased with my progress. I FINALLY conquered double-unders and kipping pull-ups. WOOHOO! 13.5 was a bit of a heartbreak for me because it was a modified version of "Fran." Here it is:

4 minute AMRAP
15 thrusters
15 chest to bar pull-ups

being that I did my first kipping pull-up this week, getting my chest to the bar posed a significant challenge for me.  Though I finished the first round of thrusters in about 90 secs, I was only able to get 2 chest to bars. It was an incredibly humbling experience, and a huge motivation to keep pushing harder. After the 4 minutes was up I went ahead and completed the full Fran using a band for my pull-ups.

21-15-9

95lb thrusters, pull-ups

After that we partnered up and had to complete 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, 100 double unders, and 100 air squats. I was EXHAUSTED by the end.

My friend Aubrey and I are talking about going an getting our Level 1 CrossFit certs so we can teach. Yep, I'm THAT hooked :)

I also wanted to share that I have finally broken my cashew butter addiction. How you ask? Well turns out that eating jars upon jars of it will eventually make it nearly unpalatable. I'm thinking this will probably be a good thing, but it means that I'll have to come up with a few new breakfast ideas. I may attempt to just do a shake in the mornings and sub almond butter for cashew. Looking forward to more experimenting in the kitchen.

Gearing up for another challenge

As you may have noticed, I've gotten a little of course over the last couple weeks. Between traveling and trying to balance an unpredictable work schedule, my diet has been pretty inconsistent. It took me years of struggles with every diet under the sun, and non stop body image issues, to finally figure out what works best for me. Even now, I'm continuing to learn so much, and am realizing finding the RIGHT information was key. Knowing what I know now is empowering in a lot of ways because I understand what I need to eat if I want to feel great. The flip side is that I'm really limited on what I can eat when not at home. My big struggle is going to be getting in the habit of prepping meals for the week, once I take on full time work hours. I've decided that what really helps keep me on track is experimenting in the kitchen and sharing my adventures via this blog. That being said, I've decided that I want to embark on 21 days of super clean eating starting Monday (4/8). My goal is to fuse "The Virgin Diet" and Paleo into a custom regime that works for me. I like using the vegan protein shakes and I don't want to give up eggs, but other than that I'm good with the other restrictions. I want to try out some new recipes, with a specific focus on reinventing traditionally unhealthy meals. I think it'll be fun, and I'm eager to get back in the kitchen and create.

Last night I made coconut crusted chicken, and I just wish I would remember to make this on nights when I have more time. I rushed home from CrossFit and got to work, but to really get the chicken golden brown, you need to a lot about 25-30mins of bake time. Add that to prep time, and it takes about 45mins to get dinner on the table. Yes, I relaize this is actually pretty quick, but when you're hungry after a long day, you want something NOW.

Here is what you'll need:

1 lb chicken breast
1/2 coconut flour
1 large egg
1/4 cup plain coconut milk
3/4 cup shredded coconut (unsweetened)
S&P

Prep is super easy. I preheated the oven to 425 and then cubed the chicken (think chick filet nuggets). Then I set up my dredging station which consisted of a plate of coconut flour seasoned with S&P, egg wash (beaten egg and coconut milk), and unsweetened coconut flakes seasoned with salt. I started with the coconut flour, then dunked the chicken in the egg wash, and finally in the coconut flakes. I repeated this and spread the chick over a parchment covered pan. You definitely need to be patient with these, and it helps to not be starving when you make them. These nuggets got good reviews from Chad, and I enjoyed then as well.

I served the nuggets along with a big salad and some roasted asparagus.

California Adventures

Greetings from beautiful Santa Barbara California! I am sitting here in my cousin's sweet condo, just blocks from amazing shopping and the beach. Chad and I flew out here late Friday night and traveled along the Central Coast for the weekend. If you have never seen the green, rolling hills of this area, put it on your bucket list. We ended up staying in Pismo beach, in a room overlooking the aqua blue waters of the Pacific, and we spent most of our short time in city of San Luis Obispo. Though the trip was short, we had such a great time together.

Now, time to get real about the state of my diet. Everything really went down hill Thursday night when we invited our neighbors over to watch basketball. I proceeded to eat pizza and A LOT of plantain chips. I also imbibed what probably amounted to nearly a bottle of wine. Come on Britt!!! Really? It was a total college flashback. I woke up Friday with a tummy ache a crushing amount of guilt. Lovely huh? I think what upset me the most was the fact that I wanted to attempt 13.4, and doing it hungover was not ideal. Here it is:

13.4
7 minute AMRAP
3 clean and jerk (95lbs)
3 toes to bar
6 clean and jerk
6 toes to bar
9 clean and jerk
9 toes to bar
..... you get the idea

I ended up trying it out around 1 pm and I got 46 reps. I was actually pretty pleased with that score , until my inner critic spoke up and gave me a mental lashing. Just as with the previous two challenge workouts, I wish I'd have tried it again. Turns out, these challenges are as much a bout strategy as they are about fitness.

And now back to the diet.... Behold an illustrated overview of some of this weekends eats:

Ok so clearly I've veered off the paleo course and ya know what, its only made it more clear that my relationship with food has changed dramatically over the last 3 years, and especially over the last year. Last weekend when we got home from Gatlinburg, I ate really clean for the first couple days, and felt unbelievable! When I know I'm putting good nutritious food in my body, it actually tastes better and gives me an incredible mental boost. I find joy in preparing good food for myself and for others, and I love sharing my creations with family and friends. So why have it any other way? Well because I live in the real world, not on a secluded island surrounded by lush farmland and grassfed meat. Because I enjoy going to a sports bar and watching a game with Chad and our friends, and because every now and then, I want taco bell. Yes, I said it, I on occasion actually crave taco bell. Trust me, it baffles me as well, but I had to come clean. So while we're being real, here's the truth, I absolutely love eating clean, and my goal is to do so about 80% of the time, as long as we continue to live in the real world. Maybe someday, I'll get to 100%, hey its great to have goals right?

I will say that as a result of some pretty stressful events in the Anderson household, coupled with a crappy diet over the last couple weeks, my body is in a state of rebellion. My stomach is an absolute mess, my skin is broken out, and I actually got a cold sore for the first time in months. Now, since discovering ways to cope with stress, I rarely get cold sores. However even though I've dealt with recent stressors pretty well  the crappy eating was simply too much for my body to overcome, and it finally manifested itself. Clearly my body is sending me a message, and its time I got back to listening.

I am so excited because today I get to go to CrossFit with my cousins, and I can't even explain how ready I am to get back to it. I only went 4 days last week, and I'm craving a really intense workout. I know, I'm obsessed, but how often do you find things that you are truly passionate about? Since the weather is so awesome out here, their box's whole set up is outside, so I cannot wait to try it out.

I'll be heading home tomorrow night and I'm more than ready to get back into my routine. I feel a renewed drive to get back to cleaning things up and blogging more. Maybe spring is FINALLY here!